Taking A Chance
My customer was late for almost 20mins for his meeting, hence the time to write this amateur poem at his office lobby. Enjoy!
Taking A Chance
By Dorothy
Here I am again, deliberating
Unsettled to hear my heart wavering
Have always believed risks must be measured
That all actions are to be rightly calculated
Coz I won't take a chance at life.
I envy those who laugh & forget tomorrows
And those who can cry the full weight of their sorrows
I envy hearts who hope, knowing they'll be broken
After, still making the choice to keep them open
Coz I won't take a chance at life.
I won't take the steps that may break me
Though he may well be the one who makes me
Just breathe softly and his scent will stay
Don't sleep too deep and he won't fade away
Coz I won't take a chance at life.
Seeing his smile puts me on a high
Thinking about him sets my soul alight
The higher you climb, the harder you fall
I am not ready to lose it all
Coz I won't take a chance at life.
He might have faked what he doesn't feel
Mirroring, I too, faked what I do feel
All my questions, I have the answers to
In time, my heart will understand my mind too
Coz I won't take a chance at life.
Lost?
Lost By David Wagoner
Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.
If You Could See Me Now...
Finished a book I borrowed from Wenz by Cecelia Ahern, "If You Could See Me Now". If her name sounds familiar to you... it's coz she's the author who wrote the book of the recently screened movie, "P.S. I Love You."
Go read it if you do have the time, it's a book on an imaginary friends that most kids have when they are young...Just that in this book, it tells the story from the angle of the imaginary friend.
Have you ever wished that a certain someone 'could see you now'?
Ever lost a loved one and wished that he/she is around to witness what you've are now...?
I wished my grandparents who passed on could see me now, and how tall I've grown since they last saw me...I wished I could take them to all the places they want to go to, and tell them all that I've accomplished and things I've learnt over these years... *grin*
It's not that I'm regretting not doing all those till it's too late...coz i would never have where i am now or said what I'm saying now when they were still alive...but it's just be nice if i could have another conversation with them...
HORRORS! I just realized it's the 7th month...er...okiez...i think i'd better stay off this subject for the time being.
Anyway, I think i'm drifting off...
I just got back from a mahjong marathon with some of my friends. We played from about 7.30pm yesterday till 7.30am this morning! Completed 6 rounds in 12 hours...I broke my personal record for mahjong...the last record was only 3 rounds!
Then took my dog out for a walk after that and bathed her (now she's sleeping on my pillow), watched the Olympics (Michael Phleps is amazing!), finished the last chapter of a book and am now lying in bed blogging.
YAWN!So now you understand why i'm starting to blabber...
Tataz...go read the book if you can.
Friends Forever
Things always change a great deal during the course of your life, but ask around what doesn't change much, and the answer that most often gets back to you is 'friends'.
I don't claim to have more friends than most, but one thing I'm always proud of, is that I've a handful that truly embodies the true meaning of friendship. They may not be the people I'm around 24hrs a day, nor are they always the first I call on when I'm depressed, neither are they the first to know when something happens in my life...
Yet, I still think... with them, who needs more friends? *wink* They are enough...more than enough. :P
They are the ones who contributed to shaping my life (and the shape of my ass...with all the makan sessions we've had), they are the ones who tries to understand my warped point of views, the ones whose shoulders were always there when i needed it, who listened to all my crap over and over again without tire, who slapped me around when i needed to be woken up from my atrocious wallowing, who sorted me out when I couldn't see reason...
This post is specially dedicated to an old friend of almost 10 years...to whom i'm her 'second onli fren':
I miss you Na... I wish you are just a stone throw away from me in Ang Mo Kio than Australia. *wail* I miss all the 'surely got meaning' talks, late night suppers, chats over cold lychees, talking about 'siang' people, pool sessions and more suppers. *sniff*
Dive Dayang 14-16th March
Well, i'm lazy to upload the pics... so i'm directing you guys to the sites that my buddies uploaded the pics to. :P
1) http://good-times.webshots.com/album/562867621NvVOgy?start=0 (Contributed by Pauline)
2) http://ifpluto.blogspot.com/ (Contributed by Eve)
:P Enjoy!
Economic Models explained with cows (2008 Update)
SOCIALISM You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
DHLIf they have two cows,
They sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, they hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
Words
Some words that struck me in an email...
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone
you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."
________________________________________________________________
Sometimes, such statements make you wanna run a little harder, hold on or out a little longer, squeeze out as much time as possible for spend time with as many loved ones as possible...
I'm such a person. I simply can't bear the thought of losing those important to me, of giving up the excitement of life.
I reckon i don't fear death much (unless it's dying in a painful or freaky way), it's more of the fear of the end of the things that I love which death brings.
There always seem to have so much to do, so many things i wanna try, so much unexplored in my life...and I guess, i'm not ready to lose all that... and maybe i'll never be ready to.
Moving on... As some of you know, i'm in the midst of moving house, and this means loads of clearing outs and packing. One of the more interesting things I had to pack was my box of letters and notes I've accumulated all these years.
I took them up one by one and read them. Laughed over the silly ones, winced over the childish ones (who never had those?), was saddened when I remembered some of the friends i've lost along the way, some i've never put in much effort to keep and smiled as some sweet memories trickled in.
There were also a few written letters that I've never had the chance to send out... be it that i've forgotten to (while looking for the address to send it on to!), was too proud, or just simply lost the opportunity or reason. I re-read those letters and they reminded me of who i was, my thoughts during those times, some rough times I've gone through, some people I've loved a great deal.
But life it is... you move on... you let go...and then you forget. But I'm thankful for those colours in my past and my life, they made me who i am today.
Just a short tribute to the 2 guys I've loved in my life (so far),
I guess I really did love Daniel (my first bf back when i was erm, 20?) at one point in my life according to all the memories detailed in the letters and a 'communication notebook' we shared. But as time faded all those feelings, it's good to know that at the end of it all... what's left behind was sweet.
And I guess I really did love Derrick (my 2nd bf whom I split up with 4 months ago) at another point in my life. I've had loads of fun with him, learnt much from him and had real crazy times with him, laughing too loud, acting like kids...etc. Sometimes, I forget most of that ever happened, sometimes I forget how much i used to love him. But I think that's alright... cos the after-taste was sweet too. The things he has given me and letters he has wrote will keep those memories for me.
Okies, last note on the box of letters...
The one person I've the most letters in my 'outbox' that I've never sent. Last count was 4 written but un-sent cards... and 1 unwritten one which i've bought almost 6 months ago!
And the person is.... *drum roll*... J. J for Jedimasterr. :) you know who you are.
Just wanna thank you for all the times you've been there for me. All the phases you've seen me go through, all the pep-talks, all the times you simply understood without me saying anything, all the 'catch-up' calls, the 'wanna hang out' calls, the 'just dropping in' cards that i've never really told you how much i appreciated... You've really been a gem.
I know that sometimes I get so caught up in my own life that I forget to tell you how much you do mean to me. But you're a friend that brings the meaning of friendship to a much higher level, and honestly, the word 'thanks' will never be enough... (So... if i were a millionaire, i'll give you some too! Just wait... that day'll come!)
Oops, i think i've over-written this time...I'm running late for an appointment...
Pen-ing off now.
I'm back...blogging again...
Some of you must've missed me huh? At least only on the blog i guess coz i'm sure most of you still see me around quite abit in person this month.
I admit it has been quite a packed month this Oct and I haven't had much time to blog.
Well, some highlights...
1) Roy treated me a birthday lunch at Mezzanine... the most expensive meal i've ever eaten manz... came up to almost $1K? The meal was fantastic tho, could hardly walk with the heavy tummy after that...
2) Flowers received on my birthday... 4 bouquets in all. Ok, it's probably not much, but it's the most I've ever received ok? Aint they beautiful?
3) Birthday Celebration at Downtown East. Successful ballot for a free chalet from my company during that period so i asked some friends down for a small gathering...turned out, it wasn't that small after all... THANK YOU FOR COMING! I enjoyed every minute of it....
The first time someone baked me a cake! THANK YOU DAWN! The cake was fabulous too, one of the best I've ever eaten!
4) Dinner with my boss & a friend @ Dempsey's Margarita (She gave me a white Baby G! How cool is that?)
5) Birthday Dive @ Dayang (will update the pics later)
6) Trekking from MacRitchie to Bukit Timah with friends (will updated pics later too. :P)
7) Departmental team-building (pics later as well)
So well, it has been quite an eventful month actually... YAWN! Sorry for the last few activities that i didn't manage to upload the pics... sleepy now... and need to complete something else before i sleep... so till then... See ya!
Dive Dayang (21-23Sept 2007)
Introducing the cast:
L-R Gordon, Andy, Hao Ting, Me, Kenny
L-R Andy, Gordon, Steen, Kenny, Kieren, Leslie
My instructor, John
Hao Ting + Poor lobster that's to be served for dinner
One of my favourite sea creatures -Porcupine fish
Rare Nudi-branch
Spanish Dancer
Dinner (Yeah, talk 'bout marine conservation!)
Morning kiss for Leslie
All in all, it was a fun trip, met new people, bumped into some familiar faces that i've dived with before... The people on this trip were pretty much jokers (tho they do that in hokkien, hence i caught very lil of what they were saying.)
The waters were good, the sea was calm (mostly), the company was fabulous, the food was abundant.
I guess i'll miss it if i were to ever give it up. Well, till the next dive... birthday trip to Dayang on 12-14Oct 2007! Can't wait!
Random Pics Part 2
Remaining D&D PicsWith Melvin and wife Xiao Qian
Me & my boss, Paula
Val & me...
Kexin & I
Chilling-out
Cow-girl Pics
Old Regrets
Oftentimes, we've always wished we'd spent more time with our loved ones... But we don't. And we only regret it when we've lost them forever, and we carry that regret within us and never really become whole again.
At least, that was what happened to me when I lost my 2 grandpas and my granny. One of my grandpas passed on when i was 7, and up till today, I still remembered the scenes at the crematorium. I clung on to my dad pretending to be asleep yet silently tearing coz at that age, I simply couldn't understand the concept of him never coming back.
My brother was howling and bawling that day at the crematorium. Later that day, when the adults were speaking to each other in the car (I was eavesdropping while pretending to be asleep), they commented on the difference between my brother and I. Simply put, the adults felt that I was too cruel even as a kid coz I'd rather sleep than to say goodbye.
Fast-forward that by about 13years... my maternal grand-dad passed on. And as I stood in front of his coffin, all the memories I had of him as a kid washed over me. The times he brought me out for walks, when he used whatever little he had to buy me toys, the times he carried me and rocked me on his lap no matter how old and heavy I already was (he still did that till i was 8)...
I was so utterly disgusted with myself then. At 7, I didn't treasure my grand-dad, and maybe i excused myself from that thinking i was too young to know. But at 20... why didn't I? Why did i only realize it when it was too late again?! I sped through the expressways shouting at the top of my lungs through my helmet that night but the frustration didn't go away... in the end, i simply parked my bike at a neighbourhood carpark and wept. (wah, super drama right? Felt extremely lonely then tho...)
No, I didn't go through a drastic change at that time. Neither did i start crying whenever i saw elderly folks pass by... :P (ok, bad joke). But when I see those elderly folks...sometimes, my heart hurts a lil coz I never did forgive myself totally for my irresponsibility and infidelity.
I am still not the best grand-daughter i can be, but with one remaining grandparent left, I try to visit much more regularly than in the past, maybe once or twice every month just for a simple dinner and sit with her while she watches her favourite TV programmes, chats with her about work and the going-ons with my life...etc.
Just simple things... things that I've always taken for granted. As i see her getting weaker and weaker as the months pass, I get more and more fearful that she'll leave one day. Have you ever wished you could give up a month of your life just so the person you love can have one more? What about a year? What about 5 years? I know I would, albeit impossible.
I know some of you question my action for D's grandparents... but frankly, it's not the glory or the nobility or even trying to get into D's 'good books'... I just feel that they deserve so much more... and seeing how little goodness they get at times is somewhat heart-wrenching.
Well, I'm already starting to feel depressed, so I shan't continue.
Moving on... some entertainment for you on visit to grannie's yesterday...
The cam ran outta batt just when we were finalizing our poses for the pic with my grams and 3 cousins in it... well...that simply means...there's a next time. :P
