PS Cafe -26 July 2007
Met up with J and W finally! Had a great meals and even better laughs at PS Cafe...
And... we took some photos together alas after so many years of not having any...here they are...
2 lazy buggers who refuse to move our asses to take a pic together
Just a little more...and we might reach each other without moving our asses still
SLURP!
Candid shot... my 'WHAT THE?!?' face caught on cam
J's duck dish
W's pork dish
My Beef Borsch
Dessert...some mango and banana thingy...
OMG...Did i really eat that much?
J & W
W's 'up to something' look
Us again...
One last pic
Dive Tioman 20-22 July 2007
As promised... here are the pics of my last diving trip!
Instructors and Divemasters
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Newly certified OPWD (I'm so so proud of them!)
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Simon...my big kor
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Specially dedicated to na and P
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Turtle with free-riders
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Just me
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Divers having a great time...
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Instructor John and Dot
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I Can't Smile Without You
You know I Can't Smile Without You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh
and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm go ing through,
I just Can't Smile Without You.
You came along just like a song
and brightened my day,
Who'd've believe that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away.
And now you know I Can't Smile WIthout You,
I Can't Smile Without You,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I"m going through,
I just can't smile.
Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.
I've stopped smiling for awhile...
Walking on
It's been a few hectic days for me and i thoroughly enjoyed myself during this period.
Work has been looking a little dreary...but that's why it's called 'work'! The long and multiple meetings are starting to get to me... :(
Met up with the buyer of my bike to finish our negotiation on the deal earlier tonight...so that part is almost closed alas...
Then dropped by a supermarket to buy some groceries for a loved one before sending them up to his place. Had a little chat with his mom and left before D came back...
After which I went to Raffles Place to pick my highly esteemed lawyer friend up. :P He's such a nice guy really... got me out of quite a fix.
But the great thing was that we talked on the way back and after that, we continued our chat as we walked along the pool of his condo. It was a memorable night and perhaps, this was the best conversation I've had with anyone in awhile.
Both of us had our ups and downs and we talked about it, laughed about it and pondered much on it... and sometimes we realize that nobody gets it easy in life. Perhaps that's life... but i do wish sometimes that my friends can have it easier...coz it'll definitely make my life happier.
I'm an extremely selfish individual, and i think D can vouch for that. Yet, I wished i can do more, just so that people around me are a little happier, a little more carefree, a little more contented. And it's frustrating to know that i don't have enough resources to share around just so they can be all that they can be, and have all that they dream of.
Just my thoughts...and thoughts they will remain.
Will update on my recent dive trip soon...
Past vs Present: 0 - 1
My past caught up with me these few weeks... I've met people I've loved before, I've met people I haven't spent time with in a long while, I've done things i've always wanted to do but never had time to within a short span of a few weeks.
We reminisced about the happy memories, talked about our petty squabbles, questioned life, shopped with much vigor, drove through long roads blasting the music...etc.
Yeah, i definitely missed the past. I have always did.
At a point in my life, I missed them so much that I would've given up everything I have got just to dwell in the 'what was.' I didn't dare commit much to the future coz there was always a nagging fear that I would gladly go back to the past if it ever came back.
But... when all the things in my past flooded back into my life in these weeks... I realized... that i didn't miss it as much as i thought i did. Anti-climax! Wahahaha...
I had missed those people terribly once... But only when they came back into my life, did i realize... in my heart, I've already let them go a long time ago.
And knowing that, I finally had a break-through. There's nothing left in the past that I can't let go of anymore. I'm walking on coz i know whatever i want isn't behind me... but ahead.
simply logic? But it took me a long time to realize...and a great loss before i could see it.
Well, i'm going diving tomorrow! There's some apprehension coz I suddenly seem to have an unknown fear of the whole diving experience. Unexplainable since I've always loved it. Somehow, with THAT loss, I seem to have become a rather incomplete individual, having insecurities and fears I had never thought i would have.
*grin* But...i'm gonna go face that fear straight on and 'test the waters' again... who knows what other treasure i'll find when i'm there. :P
Random Thoughts
The way he swaggers when he walks...
His goofy grin...
When he voluntarily takes my detested bitter durian seeds...
The time he almost suffocated me to death when i oinked at him...
When the world stabilizes for the moment as he holds me...
The conversations we have with Polar and Cow Cow (aka Moo Moo)...
The quirky arguments we have about what Cow Cow should be named...
His tourist behaviour...
The way he smiles at me...
The smell of his cologne...
His insecurities...
His possessiveness...
His obsession with his SLR...
His extraordinary warmth (Body temperature)...
How he strokes my hair while i sleep...
His cheesy antics (Yes, i actually miss that!)
The thoughts he puts into his gifts to me...
The meticulous way he does his laundry (and mine. :P)
His lame jokes...
The light in his eyes when he beams with happiness...
His regular eating habits (Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner are all regularly timed)...
How his hair looks when he gets out of bed...
The sound of his breathing when he sleeps...
When he calls me 'Baby'... (Yes again, i got used to it actually)
The way he wipes the tears off my face...
His silly antics....
When he sings along to songs in the musicals though he doesn't know the lyrics...
How happy he makes me feel...
How he completes me...
I wonder why i gave him up sometimes. But i know it's right...Yet...
我等你
不做考慮也沒半點猶豫
我就說了這一句 我等你
你眼中閃過了一些訝異
更多的是懷疑 所以你可以離去
不相信你還會回心轉意
是我任性才決定 要等你
我眼中的淚沒掉過一滴
只是隨你背影 慢慢倒流進心裡（心底）
我等你 一年為期逾期就狠狠把你忘記不只傷心的 還包括一切甜蜜
（你應該已經和她公開在一起）
要等你 要證明自己
我可以縱容你在心底
也可以當你只是路過的人而已
愛到痛至極 才需要一段等你的限期
來遺忘自己
Hanging in there...
The frustration is building up, but I can still contain it.
The grief is certainly raw, but I can bury it.
The smiles are gone, but I can fake it.
The hurt is growing, but i can still stand it.
The tears threaten, I can still fight them.
This time, he's gone, and i almost couldn't bear it.
Dreams are enough for me
In the morning light
Half awake and half asleep
Have you ever laid there thinking
Was it all a dream?
But you reach out and she's there
Every moment, everywhere
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever felt
How far a heart can fall
Have you ever stayed up waiting
For a telephone call
Just to hear her say hello
Cause you miss each other so
Have you ever been in love?
Have there been times to laugh
And times you really want to cry
Finding reasons to believe her
cause you'd die a little if she lied
And when in times of doubt
Have you ever tried to work it out
But still she leaves you wondering
What it's all about
And when she's far away
Have you ever felt the need to stray
And tried and then discovered
It just doesn't pay
Cause with her, you can be true
And with her, you can be you
Have you ever been in love?
Have there been times to laugh
And times you really want to cry
Finding reasons to believe her
Cause you'd die a little if she lied
And when in times of doubt
Have you ever tried to work it out
But still she leaves you wondering
What its all about
And when the night comes down
Can you call your house a home
Do you dream you're still together
And wake up alone
Have you ever been in love
The way that I'm in love
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been in love?
Yes I have.I haven’t heard this song in a while, and this has never been a favourite at any one time in my life. But as I was getting out of my car tonight, it started playing. And I was suddenly drawn to it, and stayed in the car to listen it through.
There’ve been so many going-ons in the last 2 months and I simply don’t know how to pen it down. But here's the summary...
I left someone I loved recently as we were heading in different directions in life and there was no way we could reconcile our goals. Some feel it’s harsh of me, some feel relieved, some feel pity, some were disappointed. It would have been easier for everyone if I had stayed. I would’ve been comfortable, really. But i knew i had to let go sooner or later, and sooner could've been less painful. Maybe I am wrong, that, i will never know.
At the end of it all, i still miss him sorely. Only I need to know that. Yet, sometimes, I've an urge to run into his arms to seek shelter from all the rumbles in my life. I miss him so...
Moving on...recently I met up someone after a long time. As we were talking, emotions that I haven’t truly deeply felt in a very long time started trickling in… it’s too wide a spectrum to name so I shan’t try.
I felt a little part of me flicker alive...for that fleeting moment.
Don't be mistaken, the emotions didn't surface because i still had feelings for this person. They're due to a wave of familiarity that hit me then as if my past flashed before me as we were talking.
I guess part of me missed the life I used to lead, the people i used to hold so dear, the excitement about life i used to have, loving others without reservations...etc, and with this fleeting feelings of familiarity, i felt alive for a brief moment under the dark sky. It was exhilarating, yet immensely saddening as well.
I’ve loved this friend before, ‘for the man he wants to be and for the man he almost is’. Although those feelings were lost along the way in many harsh words and cold denials, he’ll always be one of the few I'll hold close to my heart.
And as I was listening to his dreams, his frustrations, his loneliness and seeing how much of himself he’s still willing to give up for others, I debated if he was still the same person I had known. He has definitely changed...yet there was something strangely familiar...and it unsettled me coz i couldn't put a finger onto what it was.
In the morning light , half awake and half asleep
Have you ever laid there thinking, Was it all a dream?
Yes it was probably as fleeting as a dream, but it's enough for me.
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