Goldfish Memory
This week has been pretty fun actually, albeit tiring. Typical work day starts at 7am, ends at 7pm... go out till about 2am (on the average), do a lil work and miscellaneous things till about 4.30am and then wake up at 7am the next day again.I took a memory test that J sent recently, and my score was atrociously low. An average person gets 89% of the test right... and i got a freaking erm, i think...25%?
I'm on the 3rd percentile of the whole sample... and they did suggest 'deficiencies' in the area if my score is on the 2nd percentile!! How much closer can i get?
I admit... i always forget faces, names and objects. :( Goldfish memory. But sometimes, it makes my life happier coz i forget bad memories pretty easily as well. Heh... Is that an excuse for forgetting birthdays too?
I made a video for D in anticipation of our 1st year anniversary...but we split before that day actually came so I never got to show it to him... As you can expect, I actually forgotten all about it until i chanced on it rather recently doing some house-keeping on my com! Sigh, i think i need to get my memory checked. I played the video through once more and was reminded of the great many things we had done and memories we had.
I realized that we've gone through a lot of barriers and experiences although it was relatively short a time. I wasn't sorry that we never made it through together, nor did I regret that decision i made... The video simply became the memories replaying and I've learnt to cherish them as an experience in the journey of life we all go through.
Am i sure that i've completely moved on? High probability though I can't be 100% sure. Some people just leave footprints in your life that you'll never forget, but that doesn't mean it's coz you haven't moved on. The ups and downs that you've gone through in the past, the experiences you've once had, the emotions you've felt before.... all contributes to the person you are now.
And D has indeed contributed much to who i am now. But i can safely say that i'm not jaded nor bitter... It's always a choice you make in life. I'm braver now, and stronger with every step i take. And perhaps, I have him to thank...with a pinch of salt i suppose.
Moving on... this is a little more difficult to say...and it's for you if you're reading it. You'll know who you are.
This may sound cliche...but it's not you, it's me. It's not that I haven't moved on from my past relationship, or that I'm still romantically in love with D. I will always love him in my own way, just like the people who were once important will always have a place in my heart.
Basically, I'm just not ready to start dating again. Not yet. I need some time on my own...to understand myself more. I need more time with my family and friends and my work. I think you will make good friends and i enjoy all those times with you. But at this time, I think you deserve someone more certain about life and about love. And I'm not that someone. Maybe one day i might...but not yet.
And if you feel that you can stick to just a friendship till then...we can still hang out.
Ok, nuff said. It's never good to say too much. I hope you've understood what i've just said...coz if you did, you'll know it's not a rejection you're dealing with. I need some time to go through the process of change... I really hope you understand me.
I hope I put the above-mentioned well enough. And if i didn't, I'll explain a lil more next time... But for now, that's my thoughts and if I've caused any hurt, I truly apologise. I'll see you when i see you. :)
posted by dorothy @ 12:21 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home